Battles Continue Over ABA

Over the weekend Braxton did fine off and on. He seems proud he has a schedule, but he tries to manipulate it by putting what he wants on the schedule such as Walmart. I just take it off saying "Not time". He is now really good about not having both computer and tv on. Usually, he prefers TV. The only channel he likes is Nick Jr., so he actually can learn social skills.
Yesterday, our gates were closed except for a brief period of 10 minutes. Wouldn't you know it though, in that time he managed to escape, with dad watching and went down and let the neighbors dogs out again. The neighbor was out there luckily and retrieved her dogs.
Now, she has her whole gate hot wired.  My neighbor also told me he has been peeing on the gate and fence posts right along with the dogs. NOT socially acceptable! If he does it again though, I can see him running home with his pants down around his ankles to show me he is hurt..you know where:)
The other day, he had fallen and hurt his winky and that is how he came to me to show his hurt. Well..I certainly was not going to kiss it to make it well..(laughing out loud).
Today I am going down to buy some things for a Treasure Box for motivators for Braxton. I am also making a schedule for Sarita so she does not feel left out.
I made a story book for Braxton on Shutterfly. You can view it here :
                                         share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0CbsnDhu4aM3Xw
I had made one for our daughter also.
That is all for now. Have a great day and visit soon. 

Dear God, Help us.. ABA is hard..

Yesterday, Braxton's teacher and the 4 PARA's came into our home for 2 hours. Mrs. H (teacher) has worked so hard for us. She came with a clip board that had strips on it and a schedule in pecs. She had it in order and it was perfect. Everything was explained and with the opportunity to also work with Braxton while they were here.
It was very helpful to see it in action.
We all went into Braxton's room and he came in and asked us all to sit and was very excited to have 'company'. When eh felt his space was invaded,  he said "Out of room please."  to which we immediately complied to his wishes and left while thanking him for having us in.
The battle came when they were gone and we had to work it. Many times, my mind raced "Now what do I do?" There were a couple of melt downs and I stayed firm as possible.
I know I made many mistakes giving too many chances even after I said "Sorry, try again tomorrow."
I felt so much like a failure and a complete idiot to boot.  There were some things that clicked with him and I was proud of him. I just need to get a "Treasure Chest" together. One thing that is starting to click with him is 'Either tv on or pc on..not on at same time'. Poor child is 12 and has never had to do this at home.
Mrs H said she felt with both on, it over stimulates him and she gave some examples such as him putting his ear really close to the monitor and turning the volume up very loud. I must say my eyes were opened.
Tonight when he came home from school, things went pretty well and then we hit the road blocks over tv and computer time. He was highly agitated and at one point, I took his remote until he calmed down for 2 minutes. As soon as I gave it back, he threw it. Again I took it away. He got it back and threw it again which prompted a "sorry, tv goes away."
Needless to say, I finally relented after he was calm and this time he did not throw it, nor did he scream. By rights, it should have gone away till tomorrow.
 During the time with the tv, schedule , etc, my darling 7 year old daughter was right in the middle of the chaos.  She was busy telling him what to do, giving him 'time' out and adding to his frustration. I am setting up a chart for her so she won't feel left out. I will make sure to put a pic of me up there with the words MOM IS BOSS :) It is amazing that with her being adopted, how much she is so like I was.  I certainly understand my mother now and sincerely apologized to her.
There is another positive and that is he really showed interest in his schedule and showed he where to put it. He was busy arranging things and did pretty good.
I have to say ti was I who was so exhausted last night. It is hard work . I can only get there one day and one step at a time. I look forward when I have learned enough to be able to help another parent.
Let's hope this weekend won't have me crazy by monday. :)

Day 1 Rough Start

Yesterday after spending a couple of hours cleaning my son's room of everything from food and dirty dishes, etc.,  I was bound there will not be anymore food taken into his room. Normally, he is good about putting trash where it belongs and picking up things but not in his room.  I had let both of the kids eat in their rooms figuring their rooms are their rooms. However; it was not a good idea as I am the one who cleans them. And they need to get different habits for when I leave this world.. The last time I started this, I relented into letting them have just popcorn in their rooms and it led to other stuff.
Plus last night, was the night to start them eating at regular times. When I went to bed, there was a lock on the fridge and everything was put up except some fruit.
I fixed chicken with veggies and made a huge salad for dinner. Braxton wanted another piece of chicken and I told him he needed to eat his salad first. It took him a bit and caved in and ate it. By the time he got to his second piece of chicken, he was irritated and made a super mess getting it to which I insisted he clean it up and he did.
Later on, he must have had 2 packages of Top Ramen hidden and he got them out and headed for his room. He does not like it cooked. I reminded him to 'eat at table' and took the other package away.  This is where the battle started.  With the unopened package in his hand, he began to bang it on things on the table and kept hitting my glass cake plate and cup and then while still staring at me, would start pushing things with it.
I asked him if he wanted the Ramen and he replied 'yes' to which I told him I would take it away if he kept it up.  Well, the little stinker took the package and put it on the floor and began breaking up the noodles. I figured he must want them cooked. I asked him and he replied "No."  Then he picked up the package and proceeded to dump it out on the table and then pushed it with his hand. I calmly got up and scooped them onto a plate and threw them out the kitchen window.  He just watched me and then went into his room.
The rest of the night went smoothly after that. I am hoping I can manage to stay on my toes and keep up the momentum.

What is wrong?

Last night after we were in bed, Braxton came into our room crying his heart out.  It was clear that he was very upset. If he is hurt, he will usually show us his hurt. To me, he acted scared and all he wanted to do was crawl into our bed. I hate to think this, but I believe his younger sister knows what happened and had something to do with it. She is only & and does not understand things and is very jealous when attention is given to him.  We give her a lot of attention.
It is sad when your child is not able to tell you why they are crying or upset.
I am looking forward to next week and setting up some sort of schedule for Braxton and learning a bit of ABA. I think I will also use some with Sarita.
I also think if we had more consistency and order in our home, things would run much smoother.
Braxton has been loving Dr Seuss lately. He was excited about the book shelf in his room and has been stocking it. Another book he likes is the June B series.

Well, today has been good and Braxton has done well. Tomorrow , he gets his freedom back on  his bike.
I will walk him on the boundary route . I am thinking about making a red hexagon sign on red construction paper and posting it at the edge of the neighbor's driveway.  He knows this sign as it is on the bathroom door at school. It was put up for him.  I will also give him an incentive as he listens and a consequence if he does not.
I had a long conversation with my neighbor, telling her I cannot say he will not let her dogs out again. I also made it clear to her that I cannot police him every moment as I am only one person.
She absolutely does not want to lock her gate and while understanding her reasoning and rights, the other part of me does not understand that if she put that gate up to protect her dogs, why she does not go an extra mile.
And yes, I have already had someone attack me on my position. I fully understand my responsibility and I do know that my son must be taught respect of another's property, etc.  I am fully aware that a child whether disabled or not can face serious consequences if not taught..even if they do not understand.
The person that has attacked me does not know me or my child, does not know the full extent of his disability. I had asked a question on another forum, asking for suggestions to help him understand and that is what I got.
Yes! I am frustrated as hell right now. We parents know what we should do about situations, but we do not always know how to go about it! What will our child understand?
What do you want from me and other parents? Shall we just put our children in a cage? Shall we be frightened every single minute of the day that our child will do what we taught them not to do? Do you want me to carry a bucket with me, so I can be right there to monitor my child, so I will have a place to pee?

Cleaning Day

Today I will be spending my time cleaning Braxton's room. Every day is somewhat of a battle. He has been pulling all of his clean clothes out of place and then he puts on several layers of the clothing.  This causes endless laundry for me..
I am also working to end the food he takes into his room also. We will start our schedule very soon and putting locks on kitchen cabinets, fridge and his closet...I will post photos later..
He has been pretty good the past few days. He is still riding his bike in the confines of our driveway. On monday, he will regain the lost freedom.

The School Helps Us :)

As some of you know, we been having some behavior problems with our son.
Like I said before, he is in middle school this year and it has been quite different from the elementary school, which is next door. last year, Braxton was prepped with other class mates from visits by teacher and staff and at times, he visited the middle school.
By the end of last year though, the special ed teacher from middle school had a new position and a brand new teacher was coming in..I was very worried about this change for him.
However; he seemed to transition well.
His new teacher was brand new to teaching and used to be a speech pathologist and I thought that was not so bad.
Not long though and there were problems. Braxton has a hard time 'waiting' and gets upset by stops and trains and construction, traffic, etc.  I  can't begin to tell you how many times in our vehicle, one of us got whacked from Braxton having to 'wait'.  On some of these times, our little girl would be sound asleep to get awoken by a slap on her head.
Anyway, the 1st incident happened while the class was shopping and Braxton rammed the cart into his aide.
His teacher  (Ms. H) called me ans told me what happened. She told me "You need to keep him at home tomorrow as a consequence."
I was taken back by this knowing this was not a legal move as the behavior was due to his disability and finally said OK to it.
I did not let it go though and pulled out some special education law stuff and she got so frustrated by me, she asked the Special Education Director to call me. Guess what? I told her the same thing.  The only thing that made it legal..was the fact that I had agreed to it. I also told her that the school does it this way (get the parent to agree. ".after all, it is nice that we are not expelling your kid.."...is because they (school) does not want a paper trail and end up with expenses from compensatory services.... I may add at this point when other issues have come up, I have not been asked to 'keep him home'.
You see, I have advocated at this school before with clients and this was a norm for this school and the main one behind a lot of this was the assistant principle, who usually sits on her throne during IEP's and other meetings involving parents. I might add that to me she is a bully and I have had other parents feel the same way.
When we had Braxton's 3 yr eval, I requested the principle, Mr. B be present or there would be no meeting.
Mr. B asked me why I felt that way & I just replied, "Just call it a personality conflict."
 also pointed out to staff that at the beginning of the year, when I set up Braxton's Communication Book, I had a typed up page in the front telling about him, what works best and his challenges, including 'waiting'...
To get to the school offering help. Braxton's teacher knows ABA Therapy and that is what they use in this school (unlike elementary)      . I feel it would be helpful, so I been trying to learn how to do it.
I can read it, but I will learn more by 'show me'. I have expressed this to his teacher and she got Mr. B's ok to actually come to our home and show us. So, her and his aide will be here in the next 2 weeks for a 3 hour session. She is also showing me how to do a schedule. I told her what I want on it.
I know what to do and what I have to have..but I have a hard time knowing how to put it together.
We have never been real structured and in my older age, I am craving it. So, this will be a learning experience for all of us.
I will pay my kudos to the school and Special Ed Director, so they will want to keep doing a service for our children. I'll keep you posted on progress and learning.

Another Obstacle :(

Here it is 9:40AM and cold outside. Braxton has been out on his bike since about 7AM. I keep checking on him about every 15 to 20 minutes.
He has had a bit more freedom that we started during last summer, since we live on a dead end road. He has done pretty well on boundaries. We do not like him going down driveways that belong to the neighbors as in the past, we have had problems with him walking into homes when he has not been invited.
I have 1 neighbor that raises dogs and this has been an attraction for him as the dogs seem to come running to the gate when they see Braxton.  Of course, this excites him as he loves the action of all these jumping dogs.
I have had repeated conversations with my neighbor telling her that even though Braxton seems to not bother with her gate much, that he can possibly open it without a lock being on it. I also fully understand the position of someone feeling they should not have to lock their own gate either.
Well, I had gone out to check on him a while ago and I thought I saw one of the neighbors dogs out. I told my husband and sure enough, he had let 6 of them out. So, they are out there, chasing down dogs.
  I just hope this does not make an enemy with a good neighbor. I feel terrible about it.
In fact, it was just last night my neighbor and I had a conversation about this. I knew it was possible and said so. She said it was such a hassle to lock it. I will do what I can do, but will not keep Braxton in forever. She said that they talked Braxton about jumping up and down flapping his arms in front of their gate as this excites the dogs also.  I then explained to her that Braxton has Sensory Integration issues and does not feel his body and does this for sensory input. I told her this was the norm for in the home also and happens constantly.
As a result of this, we will keep the locks on both doors and Braxton will not be allowed to go outside at all today. And we will have to go back to the other way of locking both of our big gates and he will only be allowed to ride his bike in our driveway with constant reminders of the why.
So for now, I am sitting here feeling totally helpless and wondering what they expect me to do and how to do it.
We parents do what we can for our kids to teach them.
As a rule, I must say that Braxton is usually pretty good and tries to listen. He is not an aggressive child at all. Some people are intimidated by his size though.
We need to educate others as much as we can about Autism. Not to set up excuses for our children, but to let them know it is not always easy to come up with solutions. People need to know that Autism is a neurological disorder that affects just about everything.
Update: ALL of the dogs have been recovered and 2 neighbors are out there talking, no doubt about Braxton...Life goes on..

As it turns out, I just spoke to my neighbors and they are so nice. They really try to understand and are helpful with what we are trying to do. They are not mad at us or Braxton. I was very honest with her in telling her I am not going to 'police' Braxton and will not be out there every minute. I am only one person and will do what I can to teach him. She made a comment about feeling by locking their gate is like making them feel imprisoned and how fully I understand the feelings as we have dead bolts on our doors and locks on gates and on windows, etc.  I feel she may have been a bit surprised when I told her about all of our locks.
The main thing is that they are supportive and remain our friends even though at times, things may seem out of whack.
There is a movie called "A beautiful Mind", that they said was really good and I think I may look it up and view.

Paul and I spent a couple of hours dragging a big chain link fence to a place in  our back yard where Braxton and the dog were climbing over the existing fence. This fence was damaged from a wind storm we had a few weeks ago. I heard Braxton go out the back yard and went to check on him. Sure enough he was headed toward the downed fence, still unaware it was fixed. Darn, I wish I had had my camera with me to capture the dum founded look on his face:)

The Time Is Now...

This year has been very different for me in thoughts. My New Years Resolution is to have order and more consistency  It is I who needs it most:)
Braxton will be 12 in  a few months & we are getting older.  I want him to succeed. We are struggling with some behavior issues as of late. He gets upset when told ""NO"  and when he has to wait for things.
He hits and that is not acceptable to us at all.
I have been looking into ABA and learning all I can. I know in part what it is and what to do, but my struggle comes from being able to put it all together.  I have really wanted to do a schedule for him to structure things better as I realize at school, he does better as he uses his schedule.  The teacher he has in middle school knows ABA and is willing to help me. Reading how to do it is one thing..seeing it put into action is another as I am a visual person.
I have also noticed throughout the years that when he gets difficult, he is going to advance in some way.
Usually, when he does not get his own way, he will slam thin gs down, push doors hard, kicks at things, etc.
I talked with his teacher on Friday and she was very encouraging and yesterday this is what happened:

Braxton was misbehaving to which dad took his dvd's away. Dad simply took them and went into our room, locking the door behind him. Of course, Braxton whined and proceeded doing things to show his unhappiness by pushing things over, etc. The more he was ignored, the more he did.

When he asked me for his movies, I simply told him he needed to take it up with dad and apologize in a nice way.

After a few more minutes, Braxton told dad “I'm sorry daddy” and then followed it with a scream to which he was told that was not nice and he certainly did not get his movies back at that time. Several minutes went by with Braxton whining about his movies and me each time me saying “ You need to tell daddy you are sorry in a nice way.”

Braxton finally accomplished this with no screaming and dad came out and gave him his movies. Now, Braxton had them in hand and looked at dad and threw his movies. Dad calmly picked them up and went back into our room. Braxton once again apologized respectfully and they were returned.

But then our Braxton got that defiant look on his face and threw them again. Dad once again picked them up and said “You will not get your movies back until morning.”

Braxton's eyes got wide as he realized what dad said and burst into big sobbing. Dad then put the movies into the video closet and locked the door. After a bit, Braxton calmed down and this morning , he was given back his movies :)

Today, I noticed he listened much better. Even though, I had once incident in which he threw his DVD's, he immediately calmed himself down  and picked them back up calmly.