I Need My Own Bathroom

I want my own bathroom. I cleaned the one I share with the kids at 4AM. I got up to go wee and at the same time, Braxton got up. After holding my urge to go, for several hours..I was in a rush to sit down. Well, I just sat down and started to go and here comes Braxton with a strained look on his face, holding his twinkler and said "Off mommy!" 
I get this panicked look on my face cause (rememberi

ng the day he peed on Sarita) no way I could stop and was horrified to see him holding it and aiming for the toilet. What a predicament!
So, I did what I had to do and lifted my butt and inched forward giving him room. It did not work very well and I had to clean the bathroom and then shower myself. All I could say when it was over is it would have been down right funny watching someone else in the same boat:) That kid is so much like me!
Hope you are enjoying the show in your mind :):)

I would like to get him to use the tub in emergency situations, but an afraid it would become a problem.

Today, we went to a birthday party and someone was in the bathroom, so Braxton went out in the back yard to pee. 

On a great note, on Friday morning while waiting for the school bus, I started to sing to him and he said "No mommy." I said "Are you going to sing for me?" To my surprise, he started singing! This is so huge. I have had people tell me they have noticed huge changes in him over the past few weeks and I am wondering if it could be the Vitamin D3 I been giving him?

Sarita has been an almost angel with not too many problems lately. She has been spending a lot of time at the new neighbor girl's home. This concerns me a little as she likes to give her gifts. I often wonder which of my things has she given. Todays birthday party was for our 9 yr old granddaughter and to my surprise, one of her presents was a gift I had bought for a friend of mine. I ddi not say too much, but gave my daughter a look. I want to think before I act on this stuff, but do not want her to think it is okay to do that.

Our rains are back after over 80 days of being dry. Weather is cooling down and life is good..

Sandwich Shop

Lovely day today in lower 70's. Took the kids to park and then they had their choice of McDonald's or Subway. Usually Braxton picks McD's and Sarita takes Subway. They switched on us. Got to Subway and wouldn't you know it was crowded with a line and Braxton's mind on hunger!  Waiting was not on that boy's mind! After about almost 10 minutes of us trying to calm him down while he was hitting us and letting out blood curdling screams, Paul & I walked out saying "Goodbye" to him. He panicked and tried banging on the window, until he realized where the door was.  People were staring and of course could hear their thoughts. When we got Braxton into the car, Paul took him for a ride and I went back in to get our food. Braxton said he was sorry for hitting us and all was good. 

Laughing and Crying

Well, the past couple of days have been very interesting.
First off, I will start out with something very funny. This is what i wrote yesterday on my Facebook page :
:"By the end of the day, I will be a proud grandmother..to a LOAD of LAUNDRY!! I have been chuckling all day about this one. Thank you Braxton for keeping me so entertained. I thought he dressed pretty classy..however; Sarita was not so amused. She was a bit upset about her dress LOL"
With Braxton's sensory issues, he constantly stuffs clothing under what he is wearing. He needs to feel his body in space. This is probably why you may see autistic kids jumping up and down or flapping their arms and hands. There is a very good article on this at :http://www.tsbvi.edu/seehear/fall97/sensory.htm

There are a few things happening. My daughter continues to see a therapist weekly and is set to be evaluated on 11/14..A step in an alright direction. Now, whether he believes in giving someone her age a dx is another question.

I have been to hell and back with her over the past few weeks. I say something like 'Get out of my face" and she says "Oh you want me out of your life" Then she says things like "You want me to die, don't you?" I guess I should realize it is manipulation. Then to have her say things about not being good enough and on and on really wears a guy down.

She is putting bad bruises on my autistic son. The therapist says she needs a group to understand him..I thin k it goes way beyond that. She just says she wants him gone. We are setting up consequences for every time she hits him and also when he hits her . Sadly, she has taught him to hit. Last time she came crying because he was fed up with her, I looked at her and said 'Aren't you happy that you taught him to hit?" She was mad at me then.

Is this normal for these kids to only think of "I" and to be mad and jealous if someone gets something? She was mad at her dad because he is going after his purple belt in karate and it was not fair because hers is white.

One thing I have done is that whenever she is disrespectful to us, we don't let her go places. That is a consequence for her..but you know what? I don't think she can help it.

My daughter also goes into very immature behavior when she wants attention with baby talk and acts helpless. She also hits herself. There has been a question if she may be also on the spectrum (autism).

 Even celebrations are tainted because she got less and on and on. How does one go on and ignore this behavior? The other night at dinner, she went on and on with her screaming, etc. Finally the 3 of us there just got up w/o a word and went into another room. WOW was she surprised. I am going to do whatever I can to help her with emotions. One thing she really enjoys is art work. She is an awesome artist.  

Changes Again

Over the past week, Braxton has been doing some interesting things.
He thought I was crying and came to me saying "Don;t cry mommy", then he kissed me. Usually, he laughs when someone cries. Then the next day, he pretended to cry and put his head toward me. He wanted me to say "Don't cry Braxton" and hug him.  To me, this was huge growth.
Another thing he has been doing is peeing on his bedroom floor:( Now, this is not so cool and I do not know where it is coming from. I told him if he does it again, I will take away TV time.
Otherwise, he is doing fine. We are working on a schedule to make things easier. The locksmith will be here today to give us an estimate on locks on all kitchen cabinets.
My daughter is doing well in school and is such a happy girl most of the time. My main problem at this time is finding ways to help her not feel so jealous of her brother. She keeps telling me she hates him. I try my best to explain his needs and capabilities are different from hers. I am beginning to feel that this goes deeper than that though. She cannot stand any of my attention on anyone or anything.  If I even give the animals attention, she is mean to them.    Her therapist seems to think all of her behaviors are just seen at home. I told her that is where we always are and she acts up wherever we are.  If you put limits and boundaries down, she will fight back. It does not matter who you are.
I have been having to put limits and boundaries on her relationship with Sue, whom she calls grandma. When she goes for a visit with her, her behavior is horrid when she comes home. Sue seems to do whatever she is told by my daughter and she spends more time running and playing with her. I do not think this is so healthy at times. It really puts a strain on me. It has been several months since I have allowed my children to go to Sue's home even. Recently, I told Sue she could only take the kids to the park, instead of spending so much money on them. I hate having to feel like I have to compete for my daughter's affections.  I am not able to give her all the attention she seems to feel she needs. It is like a bottomless pit that cannot be filled.  If the truth be known, I actually spend more time with her, because Braxton is so much easier to care for.
Tonight, I will take my girl to karate. She is getting pretty good and I am so proud of her.
This last Saturday, we had the last barbecue of the year at my parent's home. It was very enjoyable. My dad and husband did the cooking. Of course, there was enough food to feed an army.
I play games with dad every morning via Skype and almost daily, I hear my mom asking him to clean the litter box. So, I made them a kitty litter cake. This was a huge hit and everyone was taking pictures, but nobody would eat it. It is a mixture of spice and white cake crumbled together , then vanilla pudding and crushed vanilla sandwich cookies mixed in. I made the poo out of softened tootsie rolls and put green food color in about 1/4 c of the cookies and sprinkled them on. My nephew, who is a vet, had to look twice and sniff and then asked em to make him one to take to work:) Now Braxton, knowing what the poo was, ate the ones off the side:) 

School

School started for my little darlings and on the first day, both of them were excited. I worried about Braxton as he kept saying "No school", but he was excited also.  He has a new teacher this year, Mr C. Braxton really likes him and he still has his 1 on 1 Mrs R.  I can hardly believe he is in grade 7.  I look forward to a really great year for him since there are only 5 kids in his class. A few weeks ago, I started giving Braxton Vitamin D3. There was a study done on it and autistic children seemed to have performed better and most of them showed they were low on D3....http://blog.vitamindcouncil.org/2012/08/17/study-high-antibodies-low-vitamin-d-levels-in-autistic-children/      A few moms on groups I am on have commented on improvements in their children.  A few days ago Braxton showed proper emotions for the first time. He thought I was crying and looked at me and while coming to me said "Don't cry mommy" and gave me a kiss. This was major as he usually laughs when he sees someone cry.  He is getting better at talking in sentences also.

Sarita is a big 2nd grader this year. I suspect she will do well. She is very smart and so creative. . Some of her drawings just amaze me.  In November, she will get an evaluation for her emotional needs.  She is so explosive at times, it worries me. We have given her a bigger bedroom now and she really likes it. We are hoping to have it all put together and painted within a couple of months. Last night, my little artist painted herself up and the clothes she was wearing with chocolate cake batter. I should have taken a picture, but truthfully, I was a bit annoyed at this one. Braxton is the one who made the batter him self:) He read the directions and made it. The bad part is that the cake mix was to be used for tomorrow's barbecue at my mom's. 

My husband went in yesterday for ultrasound on his kidney's. I do not know any results yet. He seems to be holding his own. Since he is now on medicare, there were some changes we had to get used to. At least his meds are pretty well covered and with his plan, he will have no deductibles. The biggest difference now is that instead of putting out less than $160.00 for medical per month, we now put out over $1,000.00 which has really hurt us and right now, we are in distress over this. I can barely get my kids what they need and school lunches are expensive . The forms do not take into account what you have to pay. Another bad thing is that we no longer get any income tax back with the kids. I know so many grand parents go through this also. They live on a fixed income and are having to support their grandchildren and can't even claim them. Things need to change in this realm.

I went to a weekend training a week ago and really enjoyed it. This was for Community Connectors. The trainings were on special education and Wraparound.  I met a lot of wonderful people and look forward to attending another training in March 2013.  We were at Ft Worden in Port Townsend, Wa. 

I have been very busy with school meetings with other parents and passing out fliers for Family Alliance for Mental Health www.familyallianceformentalhealth.com and makin g new connections for families in need of support. 

Well, I am off. Have a great day!

An Outing to the Zoo

Yesterday, we decided to take the kids to the zoo. I do not know where my brains were as I should have known that Saturday may be packed.
It took us awhile to get there as we had a couple stops to make and Braxton was getting a bit upset.  He hates 'waiting' and traffic. As we neared the zoo, the traffic was awful and finding a place to park was difficult. Braxton was screaming in the front seat. Paul let us out to find a parking place and he finally got with us 1/2 hour later. We encountered many stares while Braxton continued his screams. You know, it is hard to understand a person throwing fits like this when they are almost 5'7 and 135 pounds. At nasty stares I smiled sweetly and said "This is what autism looks like."  I should have packed my autism business cards to educate.

We let the kids ride the merry go round 3 times, which calmed Braxton and Sarita really enjoyed it also.  Both kids have sensory issues on certain loud noises and both would cover their ears when the whistle sounded to start the ride .  After this ride, Paul took braxton to restroom to put his shorts on him frontwards:) We then headed to the play area where Braxton enjoyed numerous rides down the slide and Sarita mainly climbed on things.  Braxton did not want to go see animals, etc. Since paul had been at the zoo not long ago, he stayed with Braxton while I saw a few things. We went to the aquarium and views aquatic animals and the red foxes. We spent about 1 1/2 hours before returning to Paul. We then left the zoo and on the way home stopped and got ice cream cones.  Even though the day was stressful at the start, it turned out to be fun.  The kids were surely tired. We had one more incident before bed time. We heard Sarita crying and Braxton came into our room with a big grin. He said "Sister", and then it turned out that Braxton had peed on her. She was already on the toilet when he had to go potty. He has a problem waiting. That is the toilet he uses in the house. I then told him "Pee goes in the toilet. If sissy is here, use momma's toilet."  Hopefully, he will make the connection. My children went to sleep early and I was one grateful mom:)

I really think my kids are bored

Well..Have a great morning all..I am off to bed for a bit. At 2AM, I felt this body wedging its way on my bed between Paul & I..when a shoulder pushed me onto the floor..I decided I may as well get up for awhile....ugh the cinnamon mess is still waiting for me:)
well..so much for my sleep. my daughter could not find her sub sandwich and went after her brother with a knife..then she was mad at the dog and was trying to squish her...she has not been sleeping much for about the last week and reminds me of the energizer bunny which is constantly moving. ..last night I was watching America's Got Talent" and I made the mistake of saying I liked someone's singing and for 1/2 hour, I put up with crying and sulking with words like "You mean you like them more than me?, I just can't do anything good, You don't love me, why don't you like me singing? and on and on and on and on..Of course, no matter what I answered, it was not right. Then she was on our bed and I had my arm up and she hit her eye on my elbow and of course it was "Why did you hit me?"

This too shall pass. Later on today, we are going to the park for a picnic and some fun..Talk to you later..

OHHHHHH THE SMELL!

Excuse me while I sit here in the corner flapping my hands and zone out..my children decided a water fight would be fun in Braxton's room. Then after the floors were wet, they decided that my huge jug of cinnamon would be a cool touch.....Now, I do know it is the girl's fault for sure as she gets things started. Braxton is in there now trying to mop up the goo with the mop and is wetting it in the toilet..When this fine mess finally dries up, Paul will bring the shop vac into the house to clean it. At this moment, I have a few things in which I am grateful: things to be grateful for : I am too tired to care right now, my kids have some unusual ways to entertain themselves, school will be starting soon and I am so glad I bought that easy to care for rubber flooring. Now, I will say goodnight and hopefully, I can find a tranquilizer for when it really hits me..oh I forgot: I need to also take an allergy pill..the cinnamon smell is horrid..

School, please start early

Well, things have been busy in our house. The kids seem to spend a lot of time fighting each other.  Hubby spends time at the doctors and I have been adding some hours for work.

Hemotologist says if hubby's white blood count and platelets don't get better, he wants to do a bone marrow test. When hubby tells me, I reply "With what I have heard, you will not look forward to it."  I am very worried about him because since his liver transplant, he is still very tired and just not up to par. He is now on B12 injections again. Renal doctor had him see the nutritionist . He is on prescription potassium and eats tons of bananas and still his levels are low.  In my mind, I think the Crohn's has a lot to do with it as he just poops everything out within 20 minutes after eating.  His attitude is still the same, which is good. He is still a smart aleck and still makes his usual very dry remarks, that can leave you scratching your head :)

My daughter has been experiencing her usual mood swings and beats up her brother. Man, for a 7 yr old, she packs a punch! He is bigger then me and is constantly screams 'Help mommy!" She still ignores us when we ask her to pick up her things and constantly wants to go back to acting like a baby.  When her brother gets into her things and she gets mad and screams at him, then tattles to me, my reply is "Well honey, you do not like it, do you." Tearfully, she replies "No."  I end it with a sympathetic hug and say "That is the way mommy and daddy feel when you get into our things and take them."
Last night, I heard her up and not sure what time she crawled into bed.    
I was awake around 1:00AM this morning as my son was up and getting into everything. He usually sleeps peacefully when he takes his Melatonin and so I wonder if his staying awake had something to do with the Vitamin D3 I started him on. I know it gives me energy.  I read an article on D3 and Autism and how studies indicate it is good for cognition and a host of other ailments.  Here is the link about it:


 http://blog.vitamindcouncil.org/2012/08/17/study-high-antibodies-low-vitamin-d-levels-in-autistic-children/

Now, when I got up finally at 2:30AM this morning, because I could no longer sleep, I went into the kitchen and noticed poop on the floor leading to our room. Well, I gotta tell you, just by looking at it, I knew it belonged to my sweet daughter.  She has done this before when upset with her brother and then blames him. There is something though about us moms, they don't realize : We usually know our kid's poop!    Sure enough this morning, she blamed him..

So far, aside for me being a bit tired, my morning is ok. At least the kids are not fighting. Hubby is at the renal doctor. My daughter wanted to make a cake and got out the cake mix and did it all by herself. After pouring the batter into the cake pan, she asked em to put it in oven for her. I noticed a small bit of batter still in the bowl and she informed me it was 'the frosting'.  I asked if she remembered to grease the pan and when she told me no, I told her it was ok, we can deal with that.:)  Cake gets done and she dishes some up for her and brother. I told her I had to have at least 1 taste of it, She looked so proud as I tasted it. I told her what a great cook she was and how proud I am of her learning these things. It was really good:)  Anyway, it was much better than her first concoction this morning of milk, p nut butter, a load of cinnamon, a ton of sugar and sliced apples all nuked in a bowl.  Of course, the mess she made and promised to clean up, is still waiting for me.

Right now, she is doing some art work in an area I have told her not to use and is happy as a clam. I bet she does not clean it up, so it will end up in a bag and going bye bye for awhile.

I need to get back to my work of scrubbing my son's room and trying to wade through her room.  We are moving things around in our home. She is moving into a bigger bedroom that hubby has been using for an office. I am having my own bedroom in her room and hubby is moving his office to our master suite, where he will have plenty of room.  After all this is done, the kids will no longer be able to go into our now bedroom and get into things and they won't be able to go through my things and get on my computer.  Lots of things that have no use and extra clutter things are leaving our home.  My daughter was upset about some of her things having to leave. I finally told her that I know it is hard for her to pick up so many things so, we are going to make it more manageable for her. She seemed OK with that.......until next time, have a great day.

Mom Has Meltdown

Autism Mom Has Meltdown! Please excuse me while I rant. I have posted a few times of the never ending battle of my son's room. I clean and by the end of the day, it looks like tornado alley.  I just got in there again. Lately, his thing is to bring garbage bags into his room. That are full of course. I was not ok about it until today though.  he brought a bag that he had hidden in his room into the kitchen and when I saw my floor crawling with maggots..it was last straw. I worked most of today cleaning my kitchen. Tonight I went into his room and got laundry. The more stuff I found, the madder I got. I was tired of shuffling through trying to save books, dishes and DVD's. I swept everything into a pile and it is now in a trash bag which will be hidden so hubby can dispose of it.  I know it is going to be a battle, but he is going to have to earn his tv, etc. I should have done it long ago, but did not know where to start.  If anyone has any ideas, please chime in. If you are going to place shame, etc. on me, do not answer this post as I am not in the mood.  I wish ABA was more available so I can see how iot is done...Thanks for now

Where Is That Yellow Bus?

Oh mercy. I can hardly wait to see that little yellow bus stopping at my house. Actually two of them. I believe the children are bored and need to go back to school.
The past couple of days have had the stormy weather here at our house. Of course to add to it, the heat has been so hot and muggy..even makes parents grumpy.
My autistic son continues to trash his room daily. In anticipation of going to recycle with daddy, the new trash bags disappear very fast and then I find them in his room. Thank goodness he does not empty them in there, which would add to the massive mounds of trash already on his floor.  Yesterday, it was 97 and he was dressed in fuzzy sweats and a sweatshirt!   And this morning at 5AM, I found him in the bathroom, with the sink overflowing because he had taken 8 bottles of craft paint and dumped them down the drain. I, in turn , was a bit ticked at my dear daughter, who once again failed to put them away.
My daughter has been fairly good lately, outside her usual refusal to listen to instruction, mouthing off and defiance.  When she is upbeat, she plans things and of course orchestrates all activities in the house.
My hope and prayer is to find ways to channel the wonderful talents she has to give her confidence and have positive experiences.  I have an appointment with mental health to talk about the evaluation.
Today, finds my husband out of bed a bit more and he seems to be feeling a bit better:)

Nice Ending to The Storms

I wish I could have recorded the scene tonight with Braxton. He had thrown a cup of mine and broke it, so I took his remote away. After a bit I asked him if he wanted it back and sweetly he said "Yes." Then I told him he needed to say he was sorry. He looked a moment and then started to say it. "I" came out pretty calm, but at 'sorry'..he raised his neck and contorted his face and screamed "Sorry", so loud that I thought he would surely have throat strain.  I told him "Braxton, you need to say it nicely."  So, for the next few minutes he cried and carried on searching for the remote. After several minutes I asked "Are you sorry?"    "Yes", he answered softly and sweetly.  "Are you going to say you are sorry?"    Again he thought about it taking it all in and then stuck his head up and shortly and curtly said "Nope."  I thought to myself "Darn, he is like his mom."    I still waited and then finally I heard a nice "Sorry mommy."  and that got him his remote back. Then he took it outside and threw it :0   He found it and has remained calm.
It is interesting to watch him develop a personality..
On a side note about my daughter. She profusely apologized made her own decision about her consequence, not without begging me to do a consequence later. We watched a movie together and it was pleasant.

Emotional Winds & Autism Winds Collide

Since yesterday, our home has been in one chaotic mess. I am inclined to say that the two children are bored and school needs to start..yesterday:)
Yesterday, my daughter insisted on my continuing undivided attention she seeks. I had some work for work to finish and told her I would be with her in a few moments.     Hubby had just got back from getting Braxton's bike fixed and Braxton was riding around.
Sarita came in saying "Mom, Braxton was riding too close to your car and scratched it."  "Oh no', as I went to see. I took one look at 4 scratches and asked her why she did this and of course got the usual denials. Scratches on top of the trunk going up and down were not made from a bike. Miraculously, she found the 'assault' weapon..a small piece of wire.  Per the usual final confession, she started out with "If you would have....the car would not get scratched."
Beings I am the mom, I told her she needed to take the responsibility for what she does.  I was not going to punish her at that moment because I needed to think and be able to be rational  with her and for several months, I have been trying to only say what I mean.
For several minutes, I remained curt to her and spoke very little. I went to face book and posted "I am so pissed and not at hubby."
Finally, I said to her "There are consequences for what you did and you are going to pick which one out of these two...."      There are 2 events coming up in which Sarita has been looking forward to attending..so, she has her choice out of the 2 of them.    She chose the latter event, no doubt thinking I will forget about it..but I will not forget.
I told her we needed to bring up the car incident to her therapist, in which she asked me not to as it will embarrass her...I sat down with her and put her on my lap and said "Honey, I understand how you feel. When we act out without thinking and do dumb things, then we run the risk of being embarrassed by others finding out...I hope you learn a lesson from this."
I reminded her of how very much I love her, but was hurt by her actions.

Today, some drama continued in the house as both kids were fighting and screaming. my aching head..Sarita screaming and crying..Braxton crying and mad at Sarita..both kids tugging on me and so I am sitting here zoning out while Sarita is pulling on me to tell me where she got hit and Braxton is picking up all his dvd's that she has thrown on the floor..yes, this too shall pass!..
I finally got the storms calmed by inviting the kids to help me make some cookies....Hopefully, the rest of the day will be calmer

The black berries on the surface of the bushes seem very small and not very good to me (on the left) , but I then started looking down deep under the bushes and came up with the gems on the right. This reminds me of people and the fact that some do not seem very good on the surface, if we peel away the layers and look deeper, we will usually find something good and positive. 

Autism Storm Hits!

There was an Autism storm in my home early yesterday  morning and things were strewn all over..clothes I was folding, books of mine, waste paper baskets & things off the kitchen counter..all over a package of top ramen my son wanted. I weathered the storm and he still did not get the ramen. When he hit me, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard enough for him to know I meant business (Do NOT Hit ME)! Damn I hate it that I have to practically bully my child:(...Now, I am glad he was off with grandma for the day....wonder what I will do..oh yeah! yard sales..here I come..
And I yard saled all day. When I got home, I still had a few hours with no kids.

During my break yesterday I bought a safe lock box with combo lock and it had a cable with it. Hubby and I put all of our keys in it and tethered it to our 1930's iron bed. When my daughter asked what was in it and I told her, the look on her face was priceless as she could no longer gain access to locked doors. Then this morning, my son has been hunting all over for the keys and there I found him sitting on the chair with dad's pants on his lap:)  absolutely priceless.

Today, I will spend my time cleaning his room of all the spaghetti noodles and raw rice on his floor. Wonder how many dishes I will find. Hopefully, he has not peed on his floor again. The battle continues..I surely can hardly wait for the day to see a yellow bus:)

Water Play

A few days ago, the kids were enjoying having daddy spray them with the hose. Braxton loves it. I started taking some action shots and as it progressed, I could see where he was getting over stimulated by the water spray. I thin k the softer spray is better for him...Enjoy the photos   

Battles Continue Over ABA

Over the weekend Braxton did fine off and on. He seems proud he has a schedule, but he tries to manipulate it by putting what he wants on the schedule such as Walmart. I just take it off saying "Not time". He is now really good about not having both computer and tv on. Usually, he prefers TV. The only channel he likes is Nick Jr., so he actually can learn social skills.
Yesterday, our gates were closed except for a brief period of 10 minutes. Wouldn't you know it though, in that time he managed to escape, with dad watching and went down and let the neighbors dogs out again. The neighbor was out there luckily and retrieved her dogs.
Now, she has her whole gate hot wired.  My neighbor also told me he has been peeing on the gate and fence posts right along with the dogs. NOT socially acceptable! If he does it again though, I can see him running home with his pants down around his ankles to show me he is hurt..you know where:)
The other day, he had fallen and hurt his winky and that is how he came to me to show his hurt. Well..I certainly was not going to kiss it to make it well..(laughing out loud).
Today I am going down to buy some things for a Treasure Box for motivators for Braxton. I am also making a schedule for Sarita so she does not feel left out.
I made a story book for Braxton on Shutterfly. You can view it here :
                                         share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0CbsnDhu4aM3Xw
I had made one for our daughter also.
That is all for now. Have a great day and visit soon. 

Dear God, Help us.. ABA is hard..

Yesterday, Braxton's teacher and the 4 PARA's came into our home for 2 hours. Mrs. H (teacher) has worked so hard for us. She came with a clip board that had strips on it and a schedule in pecs. She had it in order and it was perfect. Everything was explained and with the opportunity to also work with Braxton while they were here.
It was very helpful to see it in action.
We all went into Braxton's room and he came in and asked us all to sit and was very excited to have 'company'. When eh felt his space was invaded,  he said "Out of room please."  to which we immediately complied to his wishes and left while thanking him for having us in.
The battle came when they were gone and we had to work it. Many times, my mind raced "Now what do I do?" There were a couple of melt downs and I stayed firm as possible.
I know I made many mistakes giving too many chances even after I said "Sorry, try again tomorrow."
I felt so much like a failure and a complete idiot to boot.  There were some things that clicked with him and I was proud of him. I just need to get a "Treasure Chest" together. One thing that is starting to click with him is 'Either tv on or pc on..not on at same time'. Poor child is 12 and has never had to do this at home.
Mrs H said she felt with both on, it over stimulates him and she gave some examples such as him putting his ear really close to the monitor and turning the volume up very loud. I must say my eyes were opened.
Tonight when he came home from school, things went pretty well and then we hit the road blocks over tv and computer time. He was highly agitated and at one point, I took his remote until he calmed down for 2 minutes. As soon as I gave it back, he threw it. Again I took it away. He got it back and threw it again which prompted a "sorry, tv goes away."
Needless to say, I finally relented after he was calm and this time he did not throw it, nor did he scream. By rights, it should have gone away till tomorrow.
 During the time with the tv, schedule , etc, my darling 7 year old daughter was right in the middle of the chaos.  She was busy telling him what to do, giving him 'time' out and adding to his frustration. I am setting up a chart for her so she won't feel left out. I will make sure to put a pic of me up there with the words MOM IS BOSS :) It is amazing that with her being adopted, how much she is so like I was.  I certainly understand my mother now and sincerely apologized to her.
There is another positive and that is he really showed interest in his schedule and showed he where to put it. He was busy arranging things and did pretty good.
I have to say ti was I who was so exhausted last night. It is hard work . I can only get there one day and one step at a time. I look forward when I have learned enough to be able to help another parent.
Let's hope this weekend won't have me crazy by monday. :)

Day 1 Rough Start

Yesterday after spending a couple of hours cleaning my son's room of everything from food and dirty dishes, etc.,  I was bound there will not be anymore food taken into his room. Normally, he is good about putting trash where it belongs and picking up things but not in his room.  I had let both of the kids eat in their rooms figuring their rooms are their rooms. However; it was not a good idea as I am the one who cleans them. And they need to get different habits for when I leave this world.. The last time I started this, I relented into letting them have just popcorn in their rooms and it led to other stuff.
Plus last night, was the night to start them eating at regular times. When I went to bed, there was a lock on the fridge and everything was put up except some fruit.
I fixed chicken with veggies and made a huge salad for dinner. Braxton wanted another piece of chicken and I told him he needed to eat his salad first. It took him a bit and caved in and ate it. By the time he got to his second piece of chicken, he was irritated and made a super mess getting it to which I insisted he clean it up and he did.
Later on, he must have had 2 packages of Top Ramen hidden and he got them out and headed for his room. He does not like it cooked. I reminded him to 'eat at table' and took the other package away.  This is where the battle started.  With the unopened package in his hand, he began to bang it on things on the table and kept hitting my glass cake plate and cup and then while still staring at me, would start pushing things with it.
I asked him if he wanted the Ramen and he replied 'yes' to which I told him I would take it away if he kept it up.  Well, the little stinker took the package and put it on the floor and began breaking up the noodles. I figured he must want them cooked. I asked him and he replied "No."  Then he picked up the package and proceeded to dump it out on the table and then pushed it with his hand. I calmly got up and scooped them onto a plate and threw them out the kitchen window.  He just watched me and then went into his room.
The rest of the night went smoothly after that. I am hoping I can manage to stay on my toes and keep up the momentum.

What is wrong?

Last night after we were in bed, Braxton came into our room crying his heart out.  It was clear that he was very upset. If he is hurt, he will usually show us his hurt. To me, he acted scared and all he wanted to do was crawl into our bed. I hate to think this, but I believe his younger sister knows what happened and had something to do with it. She is only & and does not understand things and is very jealous when attention is given to him.  We give her a lot of attention.
It is sad when your child is not able to tell you why they are crying or upset.
I am looking forward to next week and setting up some sort of schedule for Braxton and learning a bit of ABA. I think I will also use some with Sarita.
I also think if we had more consistency and order in our home, things would run much smoother.
Braxton has been loving Dr Seuss lately. He was excited about the book shelf in his room and has been stocking it. Another book he likes is the June B series.

Well, today has been good and Braxton has done well. Tomorrow , he gets his freedom back on  his bike.
I will walk him on the boundary route . I am thinking about making a red hexagon sign on red construction paper and posting it at the edge of the neighbor's driveway.  He knows this sign as it is on the bathroom door at school. It was put up for him.  I will also give him an incentive as he listens and a consequence if he does not.
I had a long conversation with my neighbor, telling her I cannot say he will not let her dogs out again. I also made it clear to her that I cannot police him every moment as I am only one person.
She absolutely does not want to lock her gate and while understanding her reasoning and rights, the other part of me does not understand that if she put that gate up to protect her dogs, why she does not go an extra mile.
And yes, I have already had someone attack me on my position. I fully understand my responsibility and I do know that my son must be taught respect of another's property, etc.  I am fully aware that a child whether disabled or not can face serious consequences if not taught..even if they do not understand.
The person that has attacked me does not know me or my child, does not know the full extent of his disability. I had asked a question on another forum, asking for suggestions to help him understand and that is what I got.
Yes! I am frustrated as hell right now. We parents know what we should do about situations, but we do not always know how to go about it! What will our child understand?
What do you want from me and other parents? Shall we just put our children in a cage? Shall we be frightened every single minute of the day that our child will do what we taught them not to do? Do you want me to carry a bucket with me, so I can be right there to monitor my child, so I will have a place to pee?

Cleaning Day

Today I will be spending my time cleaning Braxton's room. Every day is somewhat of a battle. He has been pulling all of his clean clothes out of place and then he puts on several layers of the clothing.  This causes endless laundry for me..
I am also working to end the food he takes into his room also. We will start our schedule very soon and putting locks on kitchen cabinets, fridge and his closet...I will post photos later..
He has been pretty good the past few days. He is still riding his bike in the confines of our driveway. On monday, he will regain the lost freedom.

The School Helps Us :)

As some of you know, we been having some behavior problems with our son.
Like I said before, he is in middle school this year and it has been quite different from the elementary school, which is next door. last year, Braxton was prepped with other class mates from visits by teacher and staff and at times, he visited the middle school.
By the end of last year though, the special ed teacher from middle school had a new position and a brand new teacher was coming in..I was very worried about this change for him.
However; he seemed to transition well.
His new teacher was brand new to teaching and used to be a speech pathologist and I thought that was not so bad.
Not long though and there were problems. Braxton has a hard time 'waiting' and gets upset by stops and trains and construction, traffic, etc.  I  can't begin to tell you how many times in our vehicle, one of us got whacked from Braxton having to 'wait'.  On some of these times, our little girl would be sound asleep to get awoken by a slap on her head.
Anyway, the 1st incident happened while the class was shopping and Braxton rammed the cart into his aide.
His teacher  (Ms. H) called me ans told me what happened. She told me "You need to keep him at home tomorrow as a consequence."
I was taken back by this knowing this was not a legal move as the behavior was due to his disability and finally said OK to it.
I did not let it go though and pulled out some special education law stuff and she got so frustrated by me, she asked the Special Education Director to call me. Guess what? I told her the same thing.  The only thing that made it legal..was the fact that I had agreed to it. I also told her that the school does it this way (get the parent to agree. ".after all, it is nice that we are not expelling your kid.."...is because they (school) does not want a paper trail and end up with expenses from compensatory services.... I may add at this point when other issues have come up, I have not been asked to 'keep him home'.
You see, I have advocated at this school before with clients and this was a norm for this school and the main one behind a lot of this was the assistant principle, who usually sits on her throne during IEP's and other meetings involving parents. I might add that to me she is a bully and I have had other parents feel the same way.
When we had Braxton's 3 yr eval, I requested the principle, Mr. B be present or there would be no meeting.
Mr. B asked me why I felt that way & I just replied, "Just call it a personality conflict."
 also pointed out to staff that at the beginning of the year, when I set up Braxton's Communication Book, I had a typed up page in the front telling about him, what works best and his challenges, including 'waiting'...
To get to the school offering help. Braxton's teacher knows ABA Therapy and that is what they use in this school (unlike elementary)      . I feel it would be helpful, so I been trying to learn how to do it.
I can read it, but I will learn more by 'show me'. I have expressed this to his teacher and she got Mr. B's ok to actually come to our home and show us. So, her and his aide will be here in the next 2 weeks for a 3 hour session. She is also showing me how to do a schedule. I told her what I want on it.
I know what to do and what I have to have..but I have a hard time knowing how to put it together.
We have never been real structured and in my older age, I am craving it. So, this will be a learning experience for all of us.
I will pay my kudos to the school and Special Ed Director, so they will want to keep doing a service for our children. I'll keep you posted on progress and learning.

Another Obstacle :(

Here it is 9:40AM and cold outside. Braxton has been out on his bike since about 7AM. I keep checking on him about every 15 to 20 minutes.
He has had a bit more freedom that we started during last summer, since we live on a dead end road. He has done pretty well on boundaries. We do not like him going down driveways that belong to the neighbors as in the past, we have had problems with him walking into homes when he has not been invited.
I have 1 neighbor that raises dogs and this has been an attraction for him as the dogs seem to come running to the gate when they see Braxton.  Of course, this excites him as he loves the action of all these jumping dogs.
I have had repeated conversations with my neighbor telling her that even though Braxton seems to not bother with her gate much, that he can possibly open it without a lock being on it. I also fully understand the position of someone feeling they should not have to lock their own gate either.
Well, I had gone out to check on him a while ago and I thought I saw one of the neighbors dogs out. I told my husband and sure enough, he had let 6 of them out. So, they are out there, chasing down dogs.
  I just hope this does not make an enemy with a good neighbor. I feel terrible about it.
In fact, it was just last night my neighbor and I had a conversation about this. I knew it was possible and said so. She said it was such a hassle to lock it. I will do what I can do, but will not keep Braxton in forever. She said that they talked Braxton about jumping up and down flapping his arms in front of their gate as this excites the dogs also.  I then explained to her that Braxton has Sensory Integration issues and does not feel his body and does this for sensory input. I told her this was the norm for in the home also and happens constantly.
As a result of this, we will keep the locks on both doors and Braxton will not be allowed to go outside at all today. And we will have to go back to the other way of locking both of our big gates and he will only be allowed to ride his bike in our driveway with constant reminders of the why.
So for now, I am sitting here feeling totally helpless and wondering what they expect me to do and how to do it.
We parents do what we can for our kids to teach them.
As a rule, I must say that Braxton is usually pretty good and tries to listen. He is not an aggressive child at all. Some people are intimidated by his size though.
We need to educate others as much as we can about Autism. Not to set up excuses for our children, but to let them know it is not always easy to come up with solutions. People need to know that Autism is a neurological disorder that affects just about everything.
Update: ALL of the dogs have been recovered and 2 neighbors are out there talking, no doubt about Braxton...Life goes on..

As it turns out, I just spoke to my neighbors and they are so nice. They really try to understand and are helpful with what we are trying to do. They are not mad at us or Braxton. I was very honest with her in telling her I am not going to 'police' Braxton and will not be out there every minute. I am only one person and will do what I can to teach him. She made a comment about feeling by locking their gate is like making them feel imprisoned and how fully I understand the feelings as we have dead bolts on our doors and locks on gates and on windows, etc.  I feel she may have been a bit surprised when I told her about all of our locks.
The main thing is that they are supportive and remain our friends even though at times, things may seem out of whack.
There is a movie called "A beautiful Mind", that they said was really good and I think I may look it up and view.

Paul and I spent a couple of hours dragging a big chain link fence to a place in  our back yard where Braxton and the dog were climbing over the existing fence. This fence was damaged from a wind storm we had a few weeks ago. I heard Braxton go out the back yard and went to check on him. Sure enough he was headed toward the downed fence, still unaware it was fixed. Darn, I wish I had had my camera with me to capture the dum founded look on his face:)

The Time Is Now...

This year has been very different for me in thoughts. My New Years Resolution is to have order and more consistency  It is I who needs it most:)
Braxton will be 12 in  a few months & we are getting older.  I want him to succeed. We are struggling with some behavior issues as of late. He gets upset when told ""NO"  and when he has to wait for things.
He hits and that is not acceptable to us at all.
I have been looking into ABA and learning all I can. I know in part what it is and what to do, but my struggle comes from being able to put it all together.  I have really wanted to do a schedule for him to structure things better as I realize at school, he does better as he uses his schedule.  The teacher he has in middle school knows ABA and is willing to help me. Reading how to do it is one thing..seeing it put into action is another as I am a visual person.
I have also noticed throughout the years that when he gets difficult, he is going to advance in some way.
Usually, when he does not get his own way, he will slam thin gs down, push doors hard, kicks at things, etc.
I talked with his teacher on Friday and she was very encouraging and yesterday this is what happened:

Braxton was misbehaving to which dad took his dvd's away. Dad simply took them and went into our room, locking the door behind him. Of course, Braxton whined and proceeded doing things to show his unhappiness by pushing things over, etc. The more he was ignored, the more he did.

When he asked me for his movies, I simply told him he needed to take it up with dad and apologize in a nice way.

After a few more minutes, Braxton told dad “I'm sorry daddy” and then followed it with a scream to which he was told that was not nice and he certainly did not get his movies back at that time. Several minutes went by with Braxton whining about his movies and me each time me saying “ You need to tell daddy you are sorry in a nice way.”

Braxton finally accomplished this with no screaming and dad came out and gave him his movies. Now, Braxton had them in hand and looked at dad and threw his movies. Dad calmly picked them up and went back into our room. Braxton once again apologized respectfully and they were returned.

But then our Braxton got that defiant look on his face and threw them again. Dad once again picked them up and said “You will not get your movies back until morning.”

Braxton's eyes got wide as he realized what dad said and burst into big sobbing. Dad then put the movies into the video closet and locked the door. After a bit, Braxton calmed down and this morning , he was given back his movies :)

Today, I noticed he listened much better. Even though, I had once incident in which he threw his DVD's, he immediately calmed himself down  and picked them back up calmly.